Falling.

It’s here that sensation of emptiness, they say hope makes you float, and I say heart pain makes you light.

It’s this point like the thin line when the sun goes to meet the ocean.

You start falling when your eyes wide open cannot focus on anything.

When you have to return on your steps several time to try to remember what you were doing or where you were going.

You start falling when you don’t care anymore about your appearance.

When dates, months, events have no meaning for you. You just try to survive and it’s amazing the strength that you still have to hold on to life

Falling is when you avoid company; it’s that sensation of wanting to be invisible to others, to not feel anything. When you start referring you or telling your stories and say it’s another person.

Falling is that feeling of chaos, chaos inside your head, too many roads, too many options; it’s a labyrinth with no exit... When you feel useless, when they make you feel like a failure.

Falling is that sensation of perpetual darkness, somber are the thoughts, somber are the clothes, somber is always the mood.

When dead wishes forms a halo on you, when you just don’t care anymore.

Falling is that sensation of guilt because maybe if you had accepted one more time to be the door mat maybe you could have been happier. When you know that you were not wrong from the beginning you had that intuition but you choose to chase it.

But,

One day, when you think that you’ve reach the bottom….

You start falling all over again,

It’s that sensation of lightness, when you feel like a diva

Falling is when your eyes met and you saw all the untold

Falling is that feeling of dizziness when he took you in his arms for the first time. When all that is important are not vital anymore because you feel that you have the essential with you.

Falling is that feeling of joy, when you smile for no reason. When the rain just gives you another reason to be in his arms, when the hot sun shows you that he cares because he protects you...

Falling is that feeling of hope, when everything, every color seams brighter.

Falling is being able to dream again, to day dream ,to play with little kids and enjoy their plays, to laugh at a joke you heard several times, to enjoy the elders company.

Falling is saying Grace to the Lord, because he gave you a second chance, it’s the gift of peace, the balm to soothe the pain of your broken heart, when you sense his pardon for all your sins.

Falling is that sensation of acceptance, when you know that you belong, that you have reached the port like the sailor after a storm.

Falling is that feeling of plenitude, when you feel the salt of the ocean on your lips even when you’re on top of a mountain. When you talk with him in your heart when he is away. When you know that soon you will be reunited.

Falling is knowing that living besides him, sharing and caring for each other is the way to be.

When you don’t fear death because in the afterlife you will be reunited.

By: Natacha Gomez